My next book is one I feel should be mandatory reading for everyone wanting to run a school or teach seminars, particularly men. In fact, all men should read it regardless of whether they want to earn money with self defence or even train self defence. The book is: Creepology: Self Defense for your social life” By Anna Valdiserri.
I have to say after reading this book I felt pretty stupid and naïve and for a person who promotes awareness as part of self defence I was so ignorantly unaware of this topic.
After I read the book I talked to my wife and other women about the topic and they all went “Well yeah we deal with that all the time.” Women know all about it; however, women should read this book too because it provides strategies to deal with the creeps.
The question that bothered me so much was how the hell was I so ignorant? It was because these creeps like to fly under our radar, they hide it and use sleazily means to justify their actions. Many times other men haven’t seen what the creep is doing (they pick their times) or the creep is very good at taking something normal just more enough to get weird.
What is a creep? A creep is a person who doesn’t commit any crimes but makes women feel uncomfortable or creeped out. They do it for a number of reasons, mostly because they like it and often because they like how it disturbs and affects the women.
Too many examples in the book to go through but now I watch if a guy gives a woman (unrelated to them) a hug. Is it an A-frame hug? Is it too close and how comfortable is the woman really?
These creeps often justify their actions with comments like “I was just joking, she just can’t take a joke” or “if I was Brad Pitt, they’d love it.” BUT when they make these comments, they are also admitting they know they are making the woman uncomfortable and they are doing it anyway because they don’t care. They are making excuses and trying to minimize what the woman is experiencing and turn the men in the group against the woman – making it her over reaction not the creep’s responsibility.
The author notes there is a difference between a socially awkward person and a creep. When a socially awkward person does something that makes a woman uncomfortable and is asked to stop – they do. They creep won’t but often they try to appear to the other guys as just a socially awkward character.
Particularly in a self defence school where often the students are up close and personal you must provide a safe place to do dangerous things and a creep can ruin that. A creep will make the women feel very uncomfortable and it can affect the culture of the groups. Watch out for brush off comments of “oh that is just Fred being Fred….” No Fred is being a creep and it is just plain wrong, and you need to deal with it and make sure it ends. That often means tossing the creep out because they have been doing this a long time and don’t want to stop or they would have the last time they were confronted. A final note, if you knowingly allow it to go on you are giving approval and that could have a financial cost to your business, so for moral and ethical and practical reasons be aware and deal with the creeps.
This was an eye-opening book for me, so I highly recommend it – don’t run a school without having read it (just my advice.)